Saturday, November 5, 2011

Frogs and Princes

This is a post that I give complete credit to William L. Coleman for.  He has written a number of books on relationships and the chapter titled Frogs and Princes is still the best advice.  Someone gave me similar advice when I was young and I think it's solid advice. 

"Try to imagine this: What if the man you marry never changes?  Suppose he becomes frozen in time and always remains the same.  Could you be as happy with him at age fifty-five as you are today?

Too many people get married believing that they can change their spouses.  They believe in miracles, but unfortunately they think they are the miracle worker.  It's nice to have that much faith in oneself, but they need a reality check. 

Very seldom are any of us successful at changing someone else.  Read that sentence again.  The person you marry is basically the same one you will see across the breakfast table twenty or thirty years from now.  Frogs don't turn into princes.  Skunks stay skunks all of their lives. And yes, angels tend to remain angels.

If anything, try to picture each of your partner's character traits increased by ten percent.  People who are easily irritated while they are dating become more easily irritated after they get married.  Bad tempers become fierce tempers within a year or two.  Crude and rude have a way of degenerating into sloppy and obnoxious.

Only fairy princesses believe that they can take a self-centered guy, marry him, feed him, love him, give him lots of attention, and change him into a cool dude.  But then fairy princesses still believe in magic wands.
Are there exceptions? Son't some wives change their husbands? Sure, but Halley's Comet comes around more often than that.

Love who you have.  Work with him the way he is.  Learn how to enhance his good qualities.  Accept him lock, stock, and barrel and the two of you can become the great romance of the century.

Love his quirks.  Don't struggle over the toothpaste tube.  Get two tubes and squeeze your own however you like. 

Never sweat the small stuff.  And remember, most of our differences really are small stuff.
Make room for his foibles and habits.  We all have them.  You keep yours.  Let him have his.
Dare to love him as he is .  Love wears better when it is accepting, free of manipulation."

We all have things that get on one another's nerves from time to time.  None of us are even close to being perfect.  This article was written for a daughter, but it would be just as true if written to a son .

I "married up".  I am one lucky gal.  My hubby is a terrific guy!  He always has been. 


  1. what good advice Dori! i just love reading what you have to say! thanks for this!